Choosing life with joy

The SELFI Model

We all experience crisis in our life, some of which are bigger, some of which are smaller. Each crisis is a complicated hurl, and sometimes it floods us with difficult, desperate feelings. The first stage which we encounter is that of the fall – the feeling that something bad is going on, something unexpected, that we are not interested in, and of which we have no control. Everyone chooses to cope differently with the new situation encountered. I call it the "hole", because at this stage, we tend to enter a sort of (metaphorical) hole, in which we allow ourselves to experience all of the negative feelings, such as: Sadness, anger, disappointment, self-pity, shame, and more. Every feeling that arises is legitimate and it is preferable to give it its proper expression and place. It is entirely alright to get into the "hole" and to stay in it, to take time out in order to process what has happened. The question is what we choose to do once we feel that sitting in the hole makes us get stuck and is no longer appropriate for us.

This is the stage in which we need to take advantage of in order to make some clarifications with ourselves, to try and understand what we are going through, what are the hardships we encounter, what resilience powers I have in me that can assist me, and what are the things that strengthen me and that it is important for me to return to at times of crisis. This is also an excellent period of time to examine what thoughts or feelings which have accompanied me in the course of my life are no longer suitable for me, and with what would I like to replace them.

After we have strengthened ourselvese and our empowerment, we are able to take one more look at the outside and to try to recognize what the opportunities brought about by the crisis are – Yes, the opportunities. The hurls and the falling apart bring about an opportunity to initiate change, through the recruitment of our powers and intensities. Once we receive tools for empowerment and strengthening, we are able to create a development and a change, in such a manner, that eventually, we will be able to make a new and satisfying meaning develop from the crisis. This is the time to define what we would like to achieve in our lives, to reexamine what we wish to do in our life, or who we wish to be with, and to build our dream.

From this point on, all that is left is to make the change, to continue to grow and develop and to fly everywhere that is right and suitable for us. The change may be in the way we manage our relationship, In our career path, in the things we decide to do for ourselves etc.

The unique model which I have developed, which helps people whom are undergoing processes of coping with crisis and changes in life, is called SELFI, No, it doesn't reffer to the habit of taking pictures and uploading them to the facebook is named afer its stages:

Stop – Stop to observe what is happening in the "hole"

Empower – Dive inside and introspect your strenghts and resilience forces

Leverage – Findr the opportunities which arise in this new situation

Fly – Making the change and fly up

Integrate - learn new skills and behaviors that will help you integrate the change

It is a simple, relatively short, and very empowering process. Try it!